Live your life in a simple way and down to the earth

I want to talk about compassion in this article. I know mostly people already know about this, but let me talk a bit about what I think about compassion. I came to this idea because I have been thinking about it lately. I had an experiment that sometimes money and power are everything and people forget about compassion.  Despite what religion you hold to, mostly they talk about love, compassion and forgiveness. But none of them I found lately from people around me. Sometimes I realize that people like to step on someone maybe because they want to take advantage of their compassion that she or he already has in their heart. There are no perfect people in this world who have never made a mistake. However, it looks like people are hard to accept that.  A misunderstanding can ruin everything and compassion couldn’t play its part again.

Honestly, I have had an unique life so far. There were lots of tears and struggling. If I think back again, I thought that I had some pretty amazing experiences so far. I realize that I can stand  on my feet until now because that natural simple feeling that God gives me. Do you know what it is?  Ya It is “Compassion” Based on dictionary It means “sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others” Some people said that love and compassion are a necessity, without them humanity can’t be survived. Compassion is one way to communicate with other people. It can build a relationship through transferring  of ones suffering from each other. But some people tend to avoid it because they are too proud with everything they got in this world.

I think compassion makes my heart still think normally like a human being that suppose to have it. God gives us that naturally feeling but mostly people has ignored it now-a-days. Some people may have love but sometimes they forget about compassion. They can talk nicely but then they like to judge people and avoid it to have that feelings so that they won’t feel pain or suffering.

Things  that  can make compassion disappear from your heart :

  • Job environments . A job can determine who you are right now. Too much demand from work can make you lose your human being side of sensitivity.
  • Debt, mortgage and life style. These things are totally can make people lost ones healthy mindset. Life looks like a rushing time that you can’t break from it for a while. If you break then you would get punishment and it would pile up and then you get stressed out and get sick. You don’t have time for compassion anymore.
  • Money and power can change people. These things can totally change people. People who loves money and power will judge everything around them with it. If you don’t fit with those categories then you wouldn’t fit among them. Compassion will also not be fit in it too. There is no exception for it at all. Everything will be standardized with money.
  • Ambition and unrealistic goals. Sometimes people need to slow down a little bit.  Meaning that there are still many things to care about humanity, people who are suffering, people who are struggle for food. Too much focus on the highest stuff in this world make you forget about how other people need our help for a little bit. Sometimes those things can make you have a reality check. Realizing the reality that we need other people to remember us, that we need to be thankful to God for what we have so far.

I don’t want to lost this feeling. It teaches me how to be grateful everyday. It remains in me that God put it in our heart so that we can still help, care, and show love for each other. Trust me if you have compassion in your heart, then you can be easy to be grateful everyday instead of thinking of your ambition.  Let’s touch down a little bit with a compassion. Let’s feel how people suffer from food, how a forgiven can make your heart to be able to keep moving on.

so what do you need to keep your compassion alive again :

  • Live with a balance life. People need a balance with their life. You can’t think your work every time. People need a break. Go to family activities. It will balance your soul. You need to listen and to feel what other family think about something instead of leading them all the time.
  • Get involved with community activities. Human being is a social individual that can’t live life only by his/her own. We need other people to life with. Community activities will teach us how to be proactive in social issues. It will sharpen our socialism belonging.
  • Traveling. We need to travel. Travel will help us to see other parts of our world. It can help us to refresh our mind and soul. But we have to be smart too. What kind of traveling that can help you to be grateful with what you got so far. Travelling, that helps you to think about how to make a better world with peace in your heart. Sometimes people do travel only to have fun, that’s true but how can we have fun yet still learn from what we have seen from other place.
  • Do out door activities that can involved nature. It will teach you to realize that we are nothing compare than God’s creature. It will help us to admit that nothing to be proud in this life because Our God bigger than anything that we got.
  • Life in with remote people in a remote area. This may sound radical but to live life in with people who live in a remote area will help us to build our compassion belonging. We will get to see how they do their own life with limited resources.  This is will cut your pride of your own material things. You will see that people still can smile, laugh and sing with their limited resources yet they still have ones true compassion.

On the other hand that we need to consider too that how a compassion that we have won’t misused by other people.  A true compassion will train other people to be motivated. At least there will be a  meditation that can transfer suffering one to another. And it will be lighten other people feeling. So we have to keep it in mind that compassion is a must in this life. And we need to keep doing it in order to create a better life of ours.

Ps : Some pictures are taken from various sources and the rest are taken by me.

 

 

 

 

 

12 Things that you need to do if you move to a new city and 4 things that you need to search before you move out.

I am here now with my son in a new place in North of Bekasi which is close to North Jakarta, Indonesia. I was live in Medan, North Sumatra. It is about 2 hour flight from Medan to Jakarta. Due to our permanent resident application to be approved and the fact that the Canadian Embassy is in Jakarta, We decided that we move out of Medan, in case there is something that we need to take care of here, we can go to the Embassy right away.

Thankfully a best friend of mine let us stay temporarily in her house until we get an approval from Canadian Embassy. She has a big decent house which has 3 rooms. This is a nice gate community with a nice layout who provides playground area. The environment and neighborhood are nice and quiet. It feels this place is good for me and our son, Andro. He needs to play outside with friends and build his physical activities with kids like his age.  This kind of area we couldn’t get in Medan though. We were live with my parents and my brother in my parents’ house. And it is very tough to let Andro plays out side because my parents’ house just next to the road that vehicles are passing by almost every minute.

Even though she is my best friend but we are willing to help her throughout paying our rent monthly.  She also has helped us to settle our movements in the earlier. I was overwhelmed since packing our stuff when we were about to leave Medan. It looks like too much for me to do only with myself. Even my husband is so far away, He kept helping me the best he can from far away but I felt I still need him in person. We always keep trying our marriage alive even in a Long distance marriage. There are so many things that we have learned to build our marriage becomes stronger instead of complaining our situation.

So here are 10 things that you need to do when you want to move out from a city to another city:

  1. Packing stuff that you mostly need for temporary until you get settle in your new place. These are things that I brought with us.
  • Important and documents (certificates, passport, ID card, Family card). Before I left I had scanned all of them. So I have soft copy in case they lost.
  • Some daily and mostly favorite clothes.
  • Andro’s favorite toys
  • Andro’s favorite books and his coloring pencil and crayon
  • My favorite necklace and accessories
  • Some simple makeup stuff.
  • A pair of sandals for me and my son.
  • The others things I can still buy in the new place (tooth paste, toothbrush, and soap, food containers, etc)
  1. Put your important document in a special bag that already wrapped up with plastic bag that you can carried it to the cabin or if it is too much maybe you can put them in a small suitcase but should be seal tightly with double lock before go to the baggage. You can get plastic seal in the airport and it doesn’t cost too much.
  2. Put your tiny things in a small container bag. Since I can sew, I made some of pouches from fabric and organized my small things in to them.IMG20180626152508.jpg36281909_10214615307730160_9052982820137336832_n.jpg36300518_10214615310130220_1174001448908750848_n.jpg
  3. I separated oily things in to plastic bag, like essential oil, aromatherapy oil, healing oil, soap or perfume bottle. I have had experience that this stuff can leak and damage another stuff such as your phone or pocket camera.
  4. Minimalized your carrying bags. If you have too much bags too carried it will make you exhausted to focus on them. And also it is not too good for your body since in the airport makes us to have long walk so that we have to minimalize our carrying stuff.
  5. Put your important document that related to airport stuff (tickets, passport, Id card, and baggage number) in a pouch that easy to show to officers while in the airport. That pouch is better to tuck in your back pack or your hand bag.
  6. Use comfortable shoes or sandals for your feet because you will have a long walk at the airport.
  7. Since I had a young child that sometimes needed a change for clothing. I insert a pair of clothes in my bag pack so that it will make me easy to grab a change when he got sweaty or wet.
  8. Adjust your stuff to the maximum baggage according to the flight that you fly with. Since my flight allow me to carry maximum 40 kg for both of me and my son. So I split our stuff in 3 suitcase. 1 big Suitcase for my stuff, 1 smaller suitcase for my son’s stuff, and the other one tiny suit case is for documents, my favorite accessories, my son coloring pencils and book. Those suitcase went to the baggage. Meanwhile I carried a bag pack, a hand bag, and a camera bag and my son carried his favorite toys in his back pack. I made his back pack from canvas fabric.
  9. Put your wallet not far from the pouch that contained your tickets, passport, Id card, and baggage number In the same back pack or your hand bag, so it will make easy for you to grab money or your card when you need to buy something in the airport.
  10. Destination address on a small paper. If you haven’t visit a place that you haven’t go yet you might need to write the address on a paper. Keep it in your pocket and in your wallet, in case your phone run of battery.
  11. Small medication bag for emergency. Long travel might be difficult for someone due to long flight or long distance. You can get sick, nausea, or headache that need pills, essential oil or menthol oil. I used to insert a small pouch in my bag pack so I can grab it easily if I want it.

There are many things that I need to learn about staying in a new place. Before moving out there were some preparation that I need to learn from the distance. Most of them, me and my husband search it throughout Google maps and did some confirmation with my friend. We used technology as much as we can to find some information that we need for.

Here are some information that we need to find before moving out :

  1. Viewing and analysing the address that we want to stay throughout Google maps. This is good for early viewing then we can get to think other place that we need to visit once we stay in.
  2. Finding out where the school is that good for our son which is not far but still has good access to go in. Got some school and the number. Made a phone to call to each school and asked the enrollment and fees.
  3. Finding out how to move Andro to a new school. What kind of paper that I need to be prepared.
  4. Finding where the hospital, the Bank and ATM, the market, the grocery or Indomart, the police office, the gas station, the mechanic shops, the place to hangout, recreation area, and public transportation are around our new home.

At last i can say that Staying here in quieter than my parents’ place in Medan. So far we enjoyed it. It is nice to stay in community gate like this when you have kids. There are some parks and play ground that you can let your kids playing around and make friends while we have security gate around us. I hope this new environment will give positive energy for us to keep moving forward while waiting our permanent resident to be approved. Need your prayers guys for that!

 

8 Things that can make you motivated

I lost inspiration lately since I wrote about Kartini Day and Indonesian Women. It has been more than a month that I haven’t write something. After frequently updating my blog with few articles recently I thought now what then? What should I write again? How can I find some inspirations? What is my goal exactly? What is the point of doing blogging? Is it just a hobby and fun or something that can give you income?

When you heard people talking about making money with blogging it could take your attention and you want to do that too. You would search and read so many things about that but still you can’t start it. It is not as easy as you think. You need a serious researching about it. You need a good motivation to keep you staying on your work for this purpose. I do blogging just only for fun and wanted to share to the world whatever I find interesting.

People now days is smart and very selective to read something. What can you offer to people so they want to read your blog? I can’t determine yet what my passion is right now. I know about many things but only a bit of it. I had been doing so many things but only for a short term.

So instead of being lost of inspiration. Here I am trying to talk about how can you being motivated every day.

  1. Look back at your Goal and Outcome in life. There are not many people who can describe what is their goal and outcome in life. Most people want a good life, comfortable living, a happy marriage, and so on. If you can concrete your goal and outcome in your life then I think every activities that you will do. It will refer to your goal and then you would make sure that your outcome can be achieved in certain period. According to Wikipedia, A goal is an idea of the future or desired result that a person or a group of people envisions, plans and commits to achieve. People endeavor to reach goals within a finite time by setting deadlines. And an outcome is a possible result of an experiment. So both goal and achievement are related for each other. For example, my goal for the next 5 year that is ; I can get income through internet. The outcome is; I can get viewer at least 1000. Sound impossible but least I would try my best to pursue my goal and then it would make easy for me to figure it out what should I need in order my goal can be achieved.goal
  2. Think and Action. Don’t let your brain has lot of consideration about something. Listen to your heart. Your heart and brain sometimes they don’t get along. Your brain wants something that keep you staying in your comfort zone. But then your heart tell something you need to do something because you desire it to full fill your dream. So after you think about something and do some actions. Don’t wait until the idea gone away again.GIG DREAMS
  3. Make a list of activities that you can get excited to do. When you already knew your goal and outcome then what you need is to make a list things that you can do. The lists would be good if you put time frame or schedule then you will things to do for a short time. things
  4. Create a good space for yourself in order to be motivated while you are working. Good environment helps you so much to be creative. To create a nice and good space is not always talking about expensive and fancy stuff. You can hang a picture of your love one or a quote that can motivated you every time you look at it. Or maybe get organized with simple stuff in your office, the things that you need mostly every day. If you have something that you don’t use for two months maybe it is time to get rid of it from your working space. Keep it simple and nice is much better than pilling up stuff that you don’t need.
  5. Get inspired from others. If I lost mood or idea sometime I like to surf among success stories in Youtube, TV and Google. We can learn something from success people. My husband said like this sometimes when we are talking about some famous persons “Eat the meat and spit out the bone”, means that take the good things only and throw away the bad side.
  6. Watch some uplifting clips and motivation video. You can learn many things to from those videos. Just the right one that you things good for your personality.
  7. Write down your idea and develop it like a project. When you get some ideas it can stay for a while in your brain. But then when you got another things to think about then you forget that idea. I have had like this often. When you remember that idea you couldn’t analyzed it again because you lost that idea. It will be so much better to write down on your note book, and develop it with some analyzing about what you need to do to expand that idea. If you were in somewhere maybe you can write it on your gadget. There are so many options that you can commit to your goal if you willing to pursue it. Even in the rough moments
  8. Go travel to somewhere that can make you get some inspiration and be motivated. Travelling is a good way to let your brain get relaxed. Without you realized in relaxing time your brain can easy to get some ideas that can motivated you again. By the time you done with your travelling then you will get good mood to pursue your dream. And you got that spirit again to keep motivated.be inspired

Those lists are things that I have had experienced. They are work well to me. To keep motivated is not difficult at all as long as you willing to keep walking to pursue your dream and never give up. If you get down then look at back those things that might help you. Life is beautiful not to enjoy it in every second even in a rough moment. Those tough moments if you never give up. It will make you a diamond that people can learn from you and be blessed for other people.

A Fly on the Wall of Everyday life for hardworking Indonesian women

30652303_10214066393767654_1658926196047478784_nStanding there at the side of road while taking the footage about some women were doing their job, have made me realize that women will do everything for their family. Scavenging garbage, selling the goods at the side of the road among the traffic, and sweeping the garbage and dust at the side of the road have not make them feel down even a tiny bit.

They proud, smile and confident with the jobs that they do everyday will make a little bit money for their family. They are an inspiration for me. No matter what you got now, be grateful. The important thing in this life that is make sure you are a happy person no matter what is your job as long as it can give you living then there is no reason to be grumpy._DSC8926

Maybe when i was taking the footage, They must be a bit proud of me too. Maybe they thought “There she is a woman, working with her camera and tripod in the middle of crowded people and traffic. She looks so confident. She must take a good pictures and video about me”

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Ya I proud being in those moment. I could record every moments that maybe this video will make people out there feel good and be grateful about their life. But It is not easy as I think, some men were upset with me when i was taking footage. They felt annoyed. “Hey you lady, what are you doing here, you can’t allow to take video in here?” But it will never stop me. I know what I am doing and will not harm other persons through the videos I made.

Life keeps going and let’s use the opportunity that God has given to us. Hopefully those women will give you inspiration.

Check it out in this video I made.

Is the Kartini Spirit still alive in Indonesian women?

Mostly women now days participate in every activities to increase their capacity building. Some women in a training in Medan.

Indonesian women now days and Indonesian women long time ago are totally different even though there are still some spaces that women are not allowed to speak up her rights still now in some aspects. According to our history women under Dutch colonialism didn’t have the right at all to speak up and utilize their rights. Women didn’t deserve to go to school only for some men who came from rich families. Women should obey their parents what ever the parents told them even to be married to someone who already had wives. Seeing this situation there was a woman her name is Raden Ajeng Kartini tried to approach women and encourage women to speak up their rights and advocate them that women have rights to go to school. She made a letter to Dutch magazine about her opinion as women at that time. But sadly her efforts didn’t last long. She died few days after delivery her son. But then her sister was continued her advocacy to Indonesian Women at that time.

Kartini had given a good example for us that women are not only as accessories for her family and man. Behind the beauty of women there are tons of treasure that we can use to make a better world. Women are strong enough and almost every occupation that men do women can do it as well. They will fight  for their loved ones.

Lifting up the goods to sell in traditional market in Pangururan-Samosir, Indonesia

A woman in a traditional market, Pangururan-Samosir, Indonesia

I used to work in rural and remote area long time ago around North and West Sumatra. I have seen how women have giving their dedication to stand up for their rights and their family. Every morning women in rural area woke up in early morning. They always make sure that their kids get ready to school, make breakfast, and then after kids go to school, clean up the house and then go to the rice farming or any plantation that they grow, taking care of them and then go back home make lunch for the kids and then go back again to the plantation field and in the evening they get busy with the livestock and then go back home make dinner for everyone and make sure that their kids had a great day, watching the kids study at night and make sure that the husband still proud of her.

Some women in very dry area have to lift up the water from the lake or other water resources on their head and have to walk in long distance back and forth just to make sure that their family will not lack of water during night time. Not only that when harvest time comes, They will use their muscles again to lift up the harvest and make sure that the harvest corps are safe enough and ready to sell.

 

A woman in the business of Medan city, picking up the garbag

What about women in the city? You can see many women in any occupation in the city. From high skyscrapers to the road, tons of women stand up for themselves and their family. Everything they will do  as long as they can still be reunited at night time with their family. Some women in the traditional market, They will wake up in the early morning and lift up the goods. Set up the table and organize their goods as good as they can so that people in the market will buy it. They even have to fight and compete for each other to get good goods in the early morning from the supplier. What about women on the road? They don’t have any problem at all to do any occupation as long as it will give them money in a legal way.

Women in the traditional market in Pangururan-Samosir, Indonesia

But let’s talk about women young generation now days. Are they understand how their mother struggling for them? Are they understand that they can go to school now days because of Kartini had fight for women rights? Do they have same desire as Kartini and other women’s which is life is not only about materialism but other than that to speak up and make the world a bit better for future. Do they still have a family orientation like elders women before? Do they have love for life, not only chasing money, career, and power?

women young generation are weaving after school in Lumban suhi suhi Village in Samosir Indonesia

A woman is picking up leaves for selling from abandon land in the middle of city of Medan

I think i do have the same desire still with Kartini and those mothers. A good woman will make a good generation and I believe that. Some women in some tribes in Indonesia, having daughter and none of them son have make them down. Family wants her to give a son. There are lot of story like this that give under pressure to a woman who can not give what family want. I am going to tell those women don’t let your heart get down. Your daughters are the precious ones that God give you. They can be Kartini kartini that you can be proud of. Legacy is just made by human but love in your heart and a mothers instinct only those that no one denied it. They are blessing from God.

Let us be wise just as like Kartini did. Don”t let Kartini day just passed without being proud of who you are. Happy Kartini Women where ever you are!!!

 

From Sorrow, to Happiness, 11 things that carried me to Happiness

19-04-2018 10-36-02Life is a blessing from God. It is a journey that you should be excited to look forward day by day.  We are human beings and never been apart from a problem. The problem is how can you treat your problem become a tool to make you become a pearl. If you know a story about pearl. The pearl is formed when a foreign object somehow enters the inside of the oyster, and instead of ejecting the object or irritant out, as most humans would try to do, the object is covered by the oyster with layer upon layer of a substance secreted from it’s own body. The object that came into the life of the oyster as an irritant, instead of being cast out is turned into something lovely within the oyster. And we are a pearl from all of our problems and burdens that come in to our life.

There has been much struggling and fighting in my life. Particularly, a traumatic tragedy 7 years ago when Anas (My son’s birth father) died. It has made me easy to become panicked and worried since that event. You can read this link a little bit about my life and this. It was tragic, what had happened to Anas. I thought that it will happen to me or to everyone that I love too. I lost my logical thinking sometimes, and hard for me to enjoy my days. But God never left me. I realized God is so good, he never lets me down too far. He has given me a lot of opportunity to get up and to be strong for my son and myself. It is not easy, at all.  All that I can do just surrender and lean my worries on him and keep pressing forward, even though I had to drag my legs step by step to continue my life with my son.

19-04-2018 10-56-32As time went by, then i met Josh Tyson 2 year after. It was in February 2014. He has been fulfilling my days. He brings back the smile on my face. He has been a best internet friend that I ever had. We shared so many things about our life and encouragement for each other. Until one day, He fell in love with me and I was trying to open my heart again for another guy. Day by day our love became stronger and then we build our dreams and had a plan to meet up in person.

received_10154494408081828Then we got married on May 13, 2017. We have lived in person after married for 3 month and then He had to go back to Canada. Currently, We have a long distance marriage. During this time, those old sickness’ were back again. I thought I have a husband now but he can’t hold me and help me in person. Our earliest long distance marriage has made me so nervous about our future. Then I often become worried, sad, and feel anxiety. My brain goes crazy again. Not only that, I got so many negative question about my marriage. Here are some questions that I mostly hear from people having married to Western Guy:

  1. Is your marriage real one? Is your marriage legal ? (people in here said contract marriage. We have so many case with contract marriage in Indonesia. Check in these link and this one).19-04-2018 11-33-53.png
  2. When you will go to Canada?
  3. Why your husband doesn’t bring you and your son with him?
  4. Why your application takes time? Is he meant to endure your time to be reunited again?
  5. Is your husband send you money?
  6. Why you have to sew again?
  7. Is he disappear after married you?
  8. When will he come to pick you and bring you guys to Canada?

As a woman and a wife who just got married, of course I was stressed out with all those questions. I feel like everyone is going towards me and beating me down with those questions instead of giving me support. And I have to learn again to stand up, to keep my head up and keep walking. No matter how big our obstacle, our God is bigger than the obstacle.

If you want to know 12 things that you need to learn when you have long distance marriage in this link.

Talking about problems, sorrow, sadness, and stress out. Here are things that we can get if we let those stay longer in our life, they are :

  1. Depression.  According to this site depression occurs more often to the woman. Depression is a feeling sad, scared and loneliness for longer time periode. Thanks God, He doesn’t let me to go to this path.
  2. Anxiety. This situation is more like nervous all the time and you can’t sleep, and hard to focus and concentration.
  3. Panic attack. Panic attacking is the situation when you got sweaty, your heart beats fast and you feel  super extremely nervous about your problem.
  4. Health becomes worse. You don’t realize that having stress too much can harm your health in future.
  5. Missing God blessing every minute because you only focus with your problem instead. We should be grateful everyday for what ever our circumstances.
  6. Wasting your time to not enjoy your life. Time goes so quickly even you don’t realized that everything has change so fast around you. You will miss a moment that we can’t go back in to it.
  7. Too sensitive. This is true, sadness and traumatic tragedy will make you so sensitive. You would be easy to get hurt again, your pain still not recovery if you still be in this situation.
  8. Bad dreams. When your brain focus with negative things then it can come to your dream while you sleeping. Then you woke up in the middle of night and hard to fall asleep again. Less sleep will make your body sore in the morning then you will loose your excitement to start your day.
  9. A delay Menstruation. As woman has menstruation cycle. Stress out can affect your hormone. If your hormone imbalance then it will make your menstruation delayed. If you want to know more about hormone imbalance then check this link.
  10. You would be not be inspiring to your family. As a parent we should be an inspiring person for our family, especially for our kids. How can you give good impact to your kids if you can’t manage your stress. We always hope that our kids can do their best at school but we still not give them our loving attention to their growing personality. Stress out can make you anger, yelling, screaming, Uncontrolled emotion and maybe violence. Make sure that you will not destroy your kids personality because our bad habit while we get stress out.
  11. Finding temporary happiness. Mostly people find their temporary happiness with negative ways. Smoking, drugs, maybe have an affair, or maybe uncontrolled eating foods. Those will make you addicted and will harm your life. By the time your ruin your life then you will hard to escape from it. It ties you up. You have to let go every sorrow and stress that come in to your life. Face it and keep pushing it away.

So what will you do with those situation? are you going to cry and stress out all the time? Of course not. So I thought that I t want to share my experience here below what you need to do if you were in these situation. Here are things that you can do :

  1. Fill your day with positive activities. What is positive activities? Positive activities is things that you can in do in order to lift up your spirit and motivation which can give you good benefit for your health.  As woman there are so many options that you can do to start with positive things. They could be a simple activities that maybe you would never realize it if you do that regularly it can give you good mood.  For example Maybe you can start with your hobbies and let your brain get busy with it (cooking, sewing, writing, reading and etc). Make your positive activities as your new life style.
  2. Pray and Meditate. Take time to pray and have a conversation with God. Talk to God and let Him know what are your worries and sadness. Calm your mind in your meditation and tell yourself to let all your worries and sadness to go away. There are so many good things that need to enjoy instead of focusing your sorrow.
  3. Work out and yoga. I wrote about work out, maybe you can read about it in here.
  4. Control your mind. You need to stop your mind if it goes too negative. You have power to say no.  I heard some wise man said that “Your brain is stupid, listen in to deep your heart then you will find peace in there”, I am not sure if this quote match up with your personality but I have experienced this and I feel good about it.
  5. Start to find a way to smile and laugh as much as you can do. Laugh is a good for your body. According to a scientist if you can smile and laugh then your body will produce Beta Endorphin that can widen your vane so that blood can easily flow to a whole your body.
  6. Listen some music that can make you motivated. My husband often suggested me to listen a music when you feel a bit down. It can booster your mood right away. But you have to be careful what kind of music that you will hear. Some happy music or a nice instrument those are good for you. Or you can listen again the music from your old memories. It can make you smile and laugh.
  7. Have a women day with your friends, mother and sister. Hanging out with friends, sisters or with your mother is nice to do once in a while. You can share about woman stuff and get inspired from them while having snack and drinks.
  8. Hanging out to a memorial place or your favorite place with your spouse. This is another way to bring your memories back by visiting some places that you and your spouse most like. It will make you smile when it comes back in to your brain. But sometimes hard though. Sometimes it can make me sad, But that is fine to be sad, but don’t focus with it. Take your deep breath and relax and enjoy good memories at that place.
  9. Go window shopping. Woman likes this for sure. Window shopping can help you forget your problems by looking other stuff in a mall or in your favorite retail shops. It can give you some inspiration and ideas.
  10. Being busy with your kids. If you have kids, they will help you to get some smile and laugh. Kids are so innocent. You can make something funny words then they can get laugh easily and you must be got laugh too hearing them.20-04-2018 21-29-40
  11. Travelling. Travelling can help you get fresh mind again. Travelling is not always about expensive stuff. You can get promo or discount by keep looking information. You can visit family out of your town or friends. It will safe a bit money but yet  still can get some fun travelling.
  12. Blogging. Talking about blogging is one thing I am doing right now. So far I enjoy it. You can share your struggling, idea and inspiration to the world, who knows there will be some people read your blog and get encouraged.

Those ideas are only some that I thought of, and I have done them all. If you have another ideas give me comment in comment section below. Life is short so let us enjoy every moment that God gives us and be grateful every day. No matter what don’t ever let your heart get down, lift it up and be motivated everyday with what you have right now.

God loves You!

PS : I took some pictures from this link.  But the rest are taken from my personal stock.

 

 

12 Things that you need to learn if you are in a long distance marriage…

Long distance marriage is something you don’t want to experience in your marriage if you can avoid it. But on the other hand maybe there is something that you should accept it right now knowing that it will only be for a temporary. Just like me and my husband. We got married on May 13, 2017 and then he had to leave me after 3 months of living together as husband and wife. He had to go back to Canada due to visa limitation. He also had to go back to work to start our family sponsorship for me and our son. Currently, we are waiting for the permanent resident approval and we don’t know yet when the date of our approval will be, hopefully soon.

It has been so tough for us to walk down this path. It is not an easy path when you need your loved one to hold you in person but because he can’t do that it can make

you so sad and your heart will be so sensitive. All you can do is to only focus with your sadness, this is the hardest thing to get rid it off. No matter what your belief is, you have to be strong enough to pass fight this feeling. We believe one day we can be reunited soon. There were so many obstacles in our long distance marriage. I think there will be so many bumpy roads ahead for us during this time. All that we can do is keep staying together even when we are not living far apart.

I am going to share with you from my experience about living apart while married. Here are some of them that you need to do to stay connected to your spouse :

  1. Keep communicating. Indonesia is 14 hours ahead of Canada. It was a bit difficult since our earliest relationship before we got married but since we got married it has become tougher. All that you do give your time as much as you can before he goes to sleep and before he off to work. We talk through face time or audio call every day and then the rest in text chat. For his weekend we have longer time to talk than normal days.
  2. Make sure that you know your spouse schedule. What time your spouse will go back home, It will help you to avoid a misunderstanding. Tell your spouse everything that has happened in your day.
  3. Do things together as if you live together in person. Even we are not together but most everything we do stuff together. We discuss about something and then we decide it together.  For example, he goes with me through my phone when I do groceries. What stuff we need to buy, sometimes he reminds me to buy something that I most like to eat. Sometimes he suggests that we eat and cook together through the webcam.
  4. Plan something that you will look forward to in a month. This is will help you to pass the time because you guys have something to look forward to in the upcoming months. For example, sometimes we go to the hotel or go to the restaurant, or buy something together online.
  5. Talk clearly if you feel something is bothering you. Don’t keep it in your heart and pretending nothing happened, you already have a great distance from your spouse. Especially when you can’t see your spouse in person so it will be hard to understand body language that something bothering you in your heart. 
  6. Text chat sometimes can cause a big misunderstanding. You can interpret some words with your false assumptions. Particularly, when you have a bit of a  disagreement about something.  I have had these many times during our relationship. As you know we came from different cultures. The way we talk and see about something can be drastically different. I need to observe many things from him. My native language is not English so sometimes language can cause a huge misunderstanding, especially when talking about English slang that I don’t get too used to speaking it everyday.
  7. Keep building your marriage and dream. Make sure to always discuss it often for encouragement.  When you have your same goal about how the marriage will run by both of you. It will make a strong connection to your spouse. It will help you to be continuously motivated everyday and be excited with achievements that you take step by step. When you feel down one day you guys can talk about it again and being funny and silly with the dreams. Trust me it will bond your marriage.
  8. Reach out to the both sides of the family. Having support from both sides of your family is very important. I have a lot of support from my husband’s family. They always talk positive and encourage me every time I talk with them. I feel blessed that all families in Canada are welcoming me and my son and can’t wait to see us. Mean while I hardly get it from family  here.
    Although they are very loving and supportive of my relationship, People around me are always suspicious about western people. My husband worked hard and diligently to build a strong relationship with my family.  They always wonder when we will go to Canada and why it takes time to go there? But my husband has dedicate his love to me and my son. He is always do the best for our family in here, showing his responsibility as a husband, talking with them and explaining everything that we have been going through for the family sponsorship.
  9. Keep intimate even if you are at a great distance. Intimacy is not always about sex but other than that it is more about how you maintain your love and desire for your spouse. How you want your spouse so badly, speak it out loud and let your spouse know that you  miss each other every second. Talk in loving way and keep being romantic. Maybe you can go back to your sweet memories about your honey moon. And talk about intimacy that you have shared, that you guys want to partake in again once you can be reunited.
  10. Sending pictures and videos frequently. This was a big help for us. Let your spouse know how you look today. Or you can send a video message for encouragement so that you can play it at any time.
  11. Have an online date with your spouse. You can do this anytime and anywhere as long as you have good internet connection. You can dress up nicely, put make-up on and  set up a table with food and drink. Then you can eat together and have a nice slow music in the background. This will make you laugh and smile because you can have a special date, even though you are not living together.
  12. Grow close through prayer. As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. All we need to do pray together. This is will ease your burden and put it in the Lord’s hands. He will take control of our problems.

I am speaking from a woman’s perspective from Indonesia, but it still works through a  man’s eyes too if you can feel what my husband has done so far to keep our long distant marriage connected everyday.

I hope these 12 things can help you to overcome your long distance marriage. Have a look at this video, you can see one of my activities that can inspire you to keep going, by being busy with vlogging and blogging.

My Next article maybe I will write how to keep you motivated in enduring through a  long distance relationship. Especially when we talk about a woman’s perspective.

So, happy reading guys, have  a blessed day!.