From Sorrow, to Happiness, 11 things that carried me to Happiness

19-04-2018 10-36-02Life is a blessing from God. It is a journey that you should be excited to look forward day by day.  We are human beings and never been apart from a problem. The problem is how can you treat your problem become a tool to make you become a pearl. If you know a story about pearl. The pearl is formed when a foreign object somehow enters the inside of the oyster, and instead of ejecting the object or irritant out, as most humans would try to do, the object is covered by the oyster with layer upon layer of a substance secreted from it’s own body. The object that came into the life of the oyster as an irritant, instead of being cast out is turned into something lovely within the oyster. And we are a pearl from all of our problems and burdens that come in to our life.

There has been much struggling and fighting in my life. Particularly, a traumatic tragedy 7 years ago when Anas (My son’s birth father) died. It has made me easy to become panicked and worried since that event. You can read this link a little bit about my life and this. It was tragic, what had happened to Anas. I thought that it will happen to me or to everyone that I love too. I lost my logical thinking sometimes, and hard for me to enjoy my days. But God never left me. I realized God is so good, he never lets me down too far. He has given me a lot of opportunity to get up and to be strong for my son and myself. It is not easy, at all.  All that I can do just surrender and lean my worries on him and keep pressing forward, even though I had to drag my legs step by step to continue my life with my son.

19-04-2018 10-56-32As time went by, then i met Josh Tyson 2 year after. It was in February 2014. He has been fulfilling my days. He brings back the smile on my face. He has been a best internet friend that I ever had. We shared so many things about our life and encouragement for each other. Until one day, He fell in love with me and I was trying to open my heart again for another guy. Day by day our love became stronger and then we build our dreams and had a plan to meet up in person.

received_10154494408081828Then we got married on May 13, 2017. We have lived in person after married for 3 month and then He had to go back to Canada. Currently, We have a long distance marriage. During this time, those old sickness’ were back again. I thought I have a husband now but he can’t hold me and help me in person. Our earliest long distance marriage has made me so nervous about our future. Then I often become worried, sad, and feel anxiety. My brain goes crazy again. Not only that, I got so many negative question about my marriage. Here are some questions that I mostly hear from people having married to Western Guy:

  1. Is your marriage real one? Is your marriage legal ? (people in here said contract marriage. We have so many case with contract marriage in Indonesia. Check in these link and this one).19-04-2018 11-33-53.png
  2. When you will go to Canada?
  3. Why your husband doesn’t bring you and your son with him?
  4. Why your application takes time? Is he meant to endure your time to be reunited again?
  5. Is your husband send you money?
  6. Why you have to sew again?
  7. Is he disappear after married you?
  8. When will he come to pick you and bring you guys to Canada?

As a woman and a wife who just got married, of course I was stressed out with all those questions. I feel like everyone is going towards me and beating me down with those questions instead of giving me support. And I have to learn again to stand up, to keep my head up and keep walking. No matter how big our obstacle, our God is bigger than the obstacle.

If you want to know 12 things that you need to learn when you have long distance marriage in this link.

Talking about problems, sorrow, sadness, and stress out. Here are things that we can get if we let those stay longer in our life, they are :

  1. Depression.  According to this site depression occurs more often to the woman. Depression is a feeling sad, scared and loneliness for longer time periode. Thanks God, He doesn’t let me to go to this path.
  2. Anxiety. This situation is more like nervous all the time and you can’t sleep, and hard to focus and concentration.
  3. Panic attack. Panic attacking is the situation when you got sweaty, your heart beats fast and you feel  super extremely nervous about your problem.
  4. Health becomes worse. You don’t realize that having stress too much can harm your health in future.
  5. Missing God blessing every minute because you only focus with your problem instead. We should be grateful everyday for what ever our circumstances.
  6. Wasting your time to not enjoy your life. Time goes so quickly even you don’t realized that everything has change so fast around you. You will miss a moment that we can’t go back in to it.
  7. Too sensitive. This is true, sadness and traumatic tragedy will make you so sensitive. You would be easy to get hurt again, your pain still not recovery if you still be in this situation.
  8. Bad dreams. When your brain focus with negative things then it can come to your dream while you sleeping. Then you woke up in the middle of night and hard to fall asleep again. Less sleep will make your body sore in the morning then you will loose your excitement to start your day.
  9. A delay Menstruation. As woman has menstruation cycle. Stress out can affect your hormone. If your hormone imbalance then it will make your menstruation delayed. If you want to know more about hormone imbalance then check this link.
  10. You would be not be inspiring to your family. As a parent we should be an inspiring person for our family, especially for our kids. How can you give good impact to your kids if you can’t manage your stress. We always hope that our kids can do their best at school but we still not give them our loving attention to their growing personality. Stress out can make you anger, yelling, screaming, Uncontrolled emotion and maybe violence. Make sure that you will not destroy your kids personality because our bad habit while we get stress out.
  11. Finding temporary happiness. Mostly people find their temporary happiness with negative ways. Smoking, drugs, maybe have an affair, or maybe uncontrolled eating foods. Those will make you addicted and will harm your life. By the time your ruin your life then you will hard to escape from it. It ties you up. You have to let go every sorrow and stress that come in to your life. Face it and keep pushing it away.

So what will you do with those situation? are you going to cry and stress out all the time? Of course not. So I thought that I t want to share my experience here below what you need to do if you were in these situation. Here are things that you can do :

  1. Fill your day with positive activities. What is positive activities? Positive activities is things that you can in do in order to lift up your spirit and motivation which can give you good benefit for your health.  As woman there are so many options that you can do to start with positive things. They could be a simple activities that maybe you would never realize it if you do that regularly it can give you good mood.  For example Maybe you can start with your hobbies and let your brain get busy with it (cooking, sewing, writing, reading and etc). Make your positive activities as your new life style.
  2. Pray and Meditate. Take time to pray and have a conversation with God. Talk to God and let Him know what are your worries and sadness. Calm your mind in your meditation and tell yourself to let all your worries and sadness to go away. There are so many good things that need to enjoy instead of focusing your sorrow.
  3. Work out and yoga. I wrote about work out, maybe you can read about it in here.
  4. Control your mind. You need to stop your mind if it goes too negative. You have power to say no.  I heard some wise man said that “Your brain is stupid, listen in to deep your heart then you will find peace in there”, I am not sure if this quote match up with your personality but I have experienced this and I feel good about it.
  5. Start to find a way to smile and laugh as much as you can do. Laugh is a good for your body. According to a scientist if you can smile and laugh then your body will produce Beta Endorphin that can widen your vane so that blood can easily flow to a whole your body.
  6. Listen some music that can make you motivated. My husband often suggested me to listen a music when you feel a bit down. It can booster your mood right away. But you have to be careful what kind of music that you will hear. Some happy music or a nice instrument those are good for you. Or you can listen again the music from your old memories. It can make you smile and laugh.
  7. Have a women day with your friends, mother and sister. Hanging out with friends, sisters or with your mother is nice to do once in a while. You can share about woman stuff and get inspired from them while having snack and drinks.
  8. Hanging out to a memorial place or your favorite place with your spouse. This is another way to bring your memories back by visiting some places that you and your spouse most like. It will make you smile when it comes back in to your brain. But sometimes hard though. Sometimes it can make me sad, But that is fine to be sad, but don’t focus with it. Take your deep breath and relax and enjoy good memories at that place.
  9. Go window shopping. Woman likes this for sure. Window shopping can help you forget your problems by looking other stuff in a mall or in your favorite retail shops. It can give you some inspiration and ideas.
  10. Being busy with your kids. If you have kids, they will help you to get some smile and laugh. Kids are so innocent. You can make something funny words then they can get laugh easily and you must be got laugh too hearing them.20-04-2018 21-29-40
  11. Travelling. Travelling can help you get fresh mind again. Travelling is not always about expensive stuff. You can get promo or discount by keep looking information. You can visit family out of your town or friends. It will safe a bit money but yet  still can get some fun travelling.
  12. Blogging. Talking about blogging is one thing I am doing right now. So far I enjoy it. You can share your struggling, idea and inspiration to the world, who knows there will be some people read your blog and get encouraged.

Those ideas are only some that I thought of, and I have done them all. If you have another ideas give me comment in comment section below. Life is short so let us enjoy every moment that God gives us and be grateful every day. No matter what don’t ever let your heart get down, lift it up and be motivated everyday with what you have right now.

God loves You!

PS : I took some pictures from this link.  But the rest are taken from my personal stock.

 

 

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