Long distance marriage is something you don’t want to experience in your marriage if you can avoid it. But on the other hand maybe there is something that you should accept it right now knowing that it will only be for a temporary. Just like me and my husband. We got married on May 13, 2017 and then he had to leave me after 3 months of living together as husband and wife. He had to go back to Canada due to visa limitation. He also had to go back to work to start our family sponsorship for me and our son. Currently, we are waiting for the permanent resident approval and we don’t know yet when the date of our approval will be, hopefully soon.
It has been so tough for us to walk down this path. It is not an easy path when you need your loved one to hold you in person but because he can’t do that it can make
you so sad and your heart will be so sensitive. All you can do is to only focus with your sadness, this is the hardest thing to get rid it off. No matter what your belief is, you have to be strong enough to pass fight this feeling. We believe one day we can be reunited soon. There were so many obstacles in our long distance marriage. I think there will be so many bumpy roads ahead for us during this time. All that we can do is keep staying together even when we are not living far apart.
I am going to share with you from my experience about living apart while married. Here are some of them that you need to do to stay connected to your spouse :
- Keep communicating. Indonesia is 14 hours ahead of Canada. It was a bit difficult since our earliest relationship before we got married but since we got married it has become tougher. All that you do give your time as much as you can before he goes to sleep and before he off to work. We talk through face time or audio call every day and then the rest in text chat. For his weekend we have longer time to talk than normal days.
- Make sure that you know your spouse schedule. What time your spouse will go back home, It will help you to avoid a misunderstanding. Tell your spouse everything that has happened in your day.
- Do things together as if you live together in person. Even we are not together but most everything we do stuff together. We discuss about something and then we decide it together. For example, he goes with me through my phone when I do groceries. What stuff we need to buy, sometimes he reminds me to buy something that I most like to eat. Sometimes he suggests that we eat and cook together through the webcam.
- Plan something that you will look forward to in a month. This is will help you to pass the time because you guys have something to look forward to in the upcoming months. For example, sometimes we go to the hotel or go to the restaurant, or buy something together online.
- Talk clearly if you feel something is bothering you. Don’t keep it in your heart and pretending nothing happened, you already have a great distance from your spouse. Especially when you can’t see your spouse in person so it will be hard to understand body language that something bothering you in your heart.
- Text chat sometimes can cause a big misunderstanding. You can interpret some words with your false assumptions. Particularly, when you have a bit of a disagreement about something. I have had these many times during our relationship. As you know we came from different cultures. The way we talk and see about something can be drastically different. I need to observe many things from him. My native language is not English so sometimes language can cause a huge misunderstanding, especially when talking about English slang that I don’t get too used to speaking it everyday.
- Keep building your marriage and dream. Make sure to always discuss it often for encouragement. When you have your same goal about how the marriage will run by both of you. It will make a strong connection to your spouse. It will help you to be continuously motivated everyday and be excited with achievements that you take step by step. When you feel down one day you guys can talk about it again and being funny and silly with the dreams. Trust me it will bond your marriage.
- Reach out to the both sides of the family. Having support from both sides of your family is very important. I have a lot of support from my husband’s family. They always talk positive and encourage me every time I talk with them. I feel blessed that all families in Canada are welcoming me and my son and can’t wait to see us. Mean while I hardly get it from family here.
Although they are very loving and supportive of my relationship, People around me are always suspicious about western people. My husband worked hard and diligently to build a strong relationship with my family. They always wonder when we will go to Canada and why it takes time to go there? But my husband has dedicate his love to me and my son. He is always do the best for our family in here, showing his responsibility as a husband, talking with them and explaining everything that we have been going through for the family sponsorship.
- Keep intimate even if you are at a great distance. Intimacy is not always about sex but other than that it is more about how you maintain your love and desire for your spouse. How you want your spouse so badly, speak it out loud and let your spouse know that you miss each other every second. Talk in loving way and keep being romantic. Maybe you can go back to your sweet memories about your honey moon. And talk about intimacy that you have shared, that you guys want to partake in again once you can be reunited.
- Sending pictures and videos frequently. This was a big help for us. Let your spouse know how you look today. Or you can send a video message for encouragement so that you can play it at any time.
- Have an online date with your spouse. You can do this anytime and anywhere as long as you have good internet connection. You can dress up nicely, put make-up on and set up a table with food and drink. Then you can eat together and have a nice slow music in the background. This will make you laugh and smile because you can have a special date, even though you are not living together.
- Grow close through prayer. As they say, when the going gets tough, the tough get going. All we need to do pray together. This is will ease your burden and put it in the Lord’s hands. He will take control of our problems.
I am speaking from a woman’s perspective from Indonesia, but it still works through a man’s eyes too if you can feel what my husband has done so far to keep our long distant marriage connected everyday.
I hope these 12 things can help you to overcome your long distance marriage. Have a look at this video, you can see one of my activities that can inspire you to keep going, by being busy with vlogging and blogging.
My Next article maybe I will write how to keep you motivated in enduring through a long distance relationship. Especially when we talk about a woman’s perspective.
So, happy reading guys, have a blessed day!.