On the way back to Bandung after spending our vacation for 10 days in Medan had given me lots of reflection. God has realizing me again that I should stand by my own foot and be strong to re-build my life together with my son. I realize that every people have their own problem. It’s not good to complaining all the time. I should not always to tell to all my family with my condition so that they will know how anxiety I am. Event I confess yes I am so truly dwell in anxiety and fear. But what should I worry about? I know the love of God, don’t i? So why when I know God’s love more than before, I let fear, anxiety and negative thinking dwell in me? I remember when I live not in God I didn’t worried at all, I event don’t think about sin. I just do what I thought is good and make me happy, but why now when I know God more and when I surrender on Him, the anxiety and fear overwhelming me. Our God is big than my worried, isn’t it?
He has risen today, for a while I realized that today is Easter day, the day that He rise from the death. Then I saw outside of the window of this aero plane and it’s very clear view so that I can see mountain, field rice, and sun shine so shining and it’s so beautiful view. Tears come and I don’t realize it, how amaze God is. He is smart creator and He is Almighty. He is big God, so why should I get fear and anxiety? Like David said in Psalm 42:11 ; “Why are you cast down, O my inner self? And why should you moan over me and be disquieted within me? Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him, Who is the help of my countenance, and my God. “My God is awesome and Almighty. He died for me just because He wants me to be with Him in Heaven.
Then there is announcement from pilot and said that 15 minutes more the plane will land in Bandung city. All the passengers get ready to use again the seat belt. But after 15 minutes the plane is not get ready yet for landing position. Suddenly the pilot gives announcement again that the plane could not land because the bad weather down there, they don’t get permission from airport station to land the plane. Then the plane fly turn around again until they can land the plane. After 15 minutes the pilot said again that they will try to land again after get permission from airport. Then I hold Andro so tight while kissing him. But suddenly the plane fly up again, they cannot land the plane because they cannot see the airport runway because fog too thick up the airport.
I cried with worried in my heart. Then I pray and said, “God, if this is the time that you call us right now, I just surrender to you oh God, and please encourage my parents and as well as our family, Amin” I hold Andro so tight while keep praying. And the plane is flying around again till the weather normal again. Meanwhile, the pilot gives announcement again that the plan will try to land the plane. Then I return to pray again and said “God, we want to live. My struggle doesn’t finish yet with my son Andro. I promise, I will not let fear dwell in me again and I will throw away those fear and anxiety, because I know you are Almighty God above everything in this universe. Please bless us and whole passenger so that we can arrive in Bandung safely, in Jesus name, I just surrender to you. Amin.
Then I can feel the wheels of the plane are touching down the runway of the airport and I saw the terminal building then I realized that we are safe now. Then I pray again and said “Thank you Jesus, You still allow me and Andro to continue our live. Thank you father in heaven. Thank you Lord “I repeat to say thank you to God again and again while holding Andro so tight. Then I woke up Andro to get ready out from the plane.
This journey is really teaching me to give up in God and not to worry again. I have promise to God to let out this fear and anxiety from me. He wants me to live as winner in God and get rejoice in God always. He is so kind on me and my son. I want to proof to my family that God is with us so should not be worry again, He is a father for my son and a strengthen for a widow like me.
Thank you God, from now I should enjoy all the blessing that you give to me. Even though my job is not like what I wish but I should enjoy it. It’s just temporary; I know God will provide a better job than my job now. God please teach me to be more patient a bit more to enjoy everything that you gave me until I can see the beautiful rainbow in our future that would you provide for me and Andro my son. Amien.